Simply Beautiful - Comparisons

Do you ever compare yourself to others?

I hope you don't say no, because I think everyone does, even without thinking about it.

I sure do. But boy, can I think about it. 

In one of my family and human development classes, I learned that being able to compare oneself to his/her surrounding peers is actually a milestone of cognitive development. 

So, are comparisons good or bad? Well, they can be good when in pursuit of personal progress. For example, we can compare our actions of a previous day, to our actions of now, and what we would like our actions to be like in the future. 

However, most of the time, when we compare our self to others, we walk down a sandy hill. 

These are the bad comparisons. 

When I was in high school, I remember some of my guy friends going off about the hottest and most attractive celebrity women of the time. Women like Carrie Underwood, Emma Watson, Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, etc. Some of them had pictures of these women as their phone backgrounds, or even binder covers. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing that I would never look like any of these women. Oh my despair! I mean, Miley may have gone off the deep end, and I prefer not to have any association with her, but still... When you are a high school girl, you think that the guys that you go to school with are they guys who will eventually marry you, or at least date you. If that's what they found attractive, I was doomed, because I felt so far from it.

Even when we rid ourselves of Hollywood's fake cover-ups and beauty hacks, we can see the qualities that others appear to have, and feel a bit lacking.

I can honestly say, that college is so much better than both high school and the unpleasant years of middle school, for many a reason. One reason that pertains to this subject is the fact that most girls come to class dressed in sweats, ponytails, little to no makeup, etc. (At least in my classes). Dress to impress when you're barely trying to get by? Ain't nobody got time for that! But in middle school and high school, it seemed like you needed all the time in the world to be attractive in every way. Status, status, status! During those years of your life, it is so hard to not look around and not feel bad about yourself because you don't have the cute new shoes, the voluminous curls, the "perfect" body, the most sparkly eyes, the date every week, the highest grades, the athlete's talent, the popular attention, the life you think you want...

When I compare myself to others, don't I bring myself back to high school, or middle school, again? Don't I take a few steps back?

Personally for me, during some of those years of my life, I didn't know who I was supposed to be. All my life I had sung the words, "I am a child of God", but it took me 16 years of breathing to realize what that meant, how true it was, and how it made me feel.

I am not perfect at all, and I still compare myself to others. Sometimes it is just a small, simple little comparison. But when I start out with the small things, it just grows and grows until it becomes all consuming if I don't take action. When I feel myself grieving over my imperfections compared to the highlights of others, or when I feel like I'll never measure up to someone else's expectations, I have to stop myself. I have to take the time to remember what I know.

I know that I am a child of God. I know that God loves me. I know that I have a divine purpose.

I know that God made me, because he needed ME. 

Again, God made ME because he needed and wanted ME.

Maybe God didn't need another Carrie Underwood or Emma Watson. Maybe God didn't need another star athlete or fashionista. Maybe God didn't need a perfectly proportionate body, or a flirtatious personality. Maybe God didn't need another witty mind, or a flawless selfie taker.

Maybe God  needed a girl who forgets where she parked the car...a little too often for her own good. A girl that has a slight curve in her spine. A girl that doesn't know how to whistle, and ends up just kissing the atmosphere. A girl that has a colorful collection of cardigans because she gets cold...and she likes them. A girl that is obsessed with special k cereal. A girl who loves to watch old black and white movies. A girl that tends to have a hard time catching on to new board games. A girl that does this weird thing with her lips when she swallows a gulp of water. A girl that gets all excited over Mozart, Chopin, and Vivaldi. A girl that gets a mischievous thrill by ding-dong ditching a plate of cookies. A girl who openly admits to being a bit nerdy.

Because that's what he made in me. And I know that he has  purpose for me. I may not always have heaven's eyes to see that specific purpose, but my faith will clear the blur.

God needs me to be me. That doesn't mean that I can never improve myself. This life is all about overcoming and progressing to reach our eternal goals. Each of us can be perfected through Christ. But when it comes to comparing myself, and who I'm seeking to please, it doesn't matter so much what the world wants, what those around me want, or even what I think I want. It matters what God wants. It matters what Christ thinks of me. I want to be beautiful to Him.

Comparing our self to others brings us down. Try to avoid it. I know it can be hard. Oh, how hard it is! But the hard things are what make us stronger.

So the next time you are overwhelmed with the temptation of comparing yourself to others; whether it be a famous celebrity, bodybuilder, athlete, a co-worker, a peer, a friend, a friend of a friend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger, please remember who you are.

You are a child of God. You are a part of his great plan. You have a purpose. God made you, because he needed YOU. Just because someone else is beautiful, it doesn't mean that you aren't. You are beautiful! If you're a guy, you are handsome! You are important. You are special. You are you.

Simply Beautiful - Cute

Have you ever told a girl she is beautiful?

I believe every girl likes to be told she is beautiful...in some form or another! 

In fact, some crave it. I know that, from time to time, I get this craving.

There are many ways you can tell a girl she is beautiful! If you are unaware of the variety of words to use, you can always spend some time with a thesaurus. And thanks to One Direction, you can even let her know by saying "You don't know you're beautiful". A "like" of her photos on facebook or instagram might even suffice. 

Yes indeed, the ways to express your admiration of a girl's beauty are countless! 

In my life, I have noticed that one word is used to compliment my level of attractiveness more often than any other: Cute. 

Now, I am in no way ungrateful for anyone who has ever been kind enough to bestow this compliment upon me! Truly, it means A LOT to me. 

Cute is a wonderful word! You can use it in many ways! 

"Look at that cute little girl!" 

"Look at that cute little old woman!" 

"Look at that cute...little...20 year old...!?" 

Hmmm...maybe you don't hear the last sentence as often. So...what does this say about me? Am I appearing out of place? I pondered this some time ago. 

TWENTY! What a prime age (despite the fact that it is not a prime number). I am so happy to be in my twenties! I am definitely still a kid, but have already experienced, and endured, high school and other teen-aged problems! This is a time to continue to mature and develop into the amazing woman I hope to be, while still having fun of course! 

But, I can't help but notice what the world expects of me at this age. 

Maybe the world expects me to put off marriage and a family, focusing only on an education and career in order to state my independence and ambition. But, even though I am definitely working hard towards my education, to me, there is no greater ambition than marriage, and having a family. 

Maybe the world expects me to be all over the party scene, and look forward to my birthday in 6 months, so I can get a bit tipsy. But, I like parties with Disney movies and fun games, maybe especially with some cookies involved. 

Most of all, maybe the world wants me to show everything I've got, and look really really hot! But, I've got sleeves, and my shorts come to my knees. 

And yes, I know there is that phrase "Modest is hottest", but still, I've never really been described as hot before. 

It seems to me, that when most of the world comments on a 20-year-old's attractiveness, one of the main words used is "hot". 

Maybe that's not the very main word, but other words of the like, or at that end of the spectrum. Well, Cute is definitely at the opposite end...

So...if I'm referred to as cute, is there something wrong with me?  Am I not that beautiful, or drop dead gorgeous compared to other girls my age? Should I wear more makeup and change my hair? Should I post more selfies and edit them to the flawless max to get some approval? Will I be attractive enough to attract my future husband? Should I feel bad about myself, because I'm not that..."hot"? 

Well, I don't think posting more selfies is ever the answer to any life question. 

And after pondering the others for quite some time, I have come to a conclusion: The answer is NO.

And I am going to have to repeatedly tell myself "NO." 

It is okay to be cute! 

Just like "beautiful", "cute" is a timeless adjective. 

Just like I mentioned before, you can say: 

"Look at that cute little girl!" 

or

"Look at that cute little old-woman!" 

But if you say...

"Look at that hot little girl!" 

or

"Look at that hot little old-woman!" 

...that's just creepy. Don't say that! 

Cute goes beyond the description of the physical appearance. Someone can have a cute mind and soul, but if someone is described as having a hot mind and soul, they might be mistaken for having a fever of some sort. 

Yes, I have come to the conclusion that "cute" is a lovely word, and it shouldn't fail to make me feel beautiful or attractive. Girls who are complimented with being hot are blessed, but so are girls complimented with being cute; or attractive, stunning, adorable, darling, gorgeous, lovely, pretty, good-looking, ravishing, smokin', nice, happy, intelligent, strong, caring, beautiful. Because every girl is beautiful, and has something to offer to make the world a more beautiful place.

There is nothing wrong with being labeled as cute. I hope I was a cute little girl, I hope I can continue to be a cute 20-year-old, and are really hope someday I can be a cute little old lady!

So thank you to all the kindred spirits out there who have been kind enough to have told me that I am cute. It means the world to me! 

I'm sure it would mean the world to other girls as well, if they were told they were beautiful, in some form or another! 

But let's maybe use a little less of "hot", okay? There are more BEAUTIFUL words out there.

Simply Beautiful - It's Not Easy Being Beautiful

My whole life, one of my deepest desires has been to be beautiful.

But for the longest time, this seemed like a dream that would never come true.

I wasn't that pretty at all, was I?

I had long struggled with not thinking I was beautiful, but these feelings were especially amplified during my pre-teen/early teen years, when most girls tend to have these feelings. I tried to focus on other things and be strong though, and just told myself that maybe someday everything would change, and I would be happy forever. (Much like the caterpillar in A Bug's Life). 

Looking back on all those years, I see that I didn't understand what true beauty was.

So...what is it? And how do we achieve it?

Well, I am in no way the beauty expert, but I can tell you about my own personal discovery!

I was 16 years old! What a prime age! An age of driving, getting a job, and DATING!!! But I didn't get my drivers license until I was 17 and a half, I didn't have a job yet because I took way too many AP classes in high school (a nerd's gotta do what a nerd's gotta do), and I hadn't been asked on a date yet (probably because I wasn't that pretty, I thought). But alas, I was so excited, because it was now summertime! With summer time came Girls Camp, and this year, I was going to be a YCL (youth camp leader)! I was so excited, because this meant I got to teach classes, be a leader to younger girls, give devotionals, sleep in a cabin rather than a tent, wear sunglasses like a boss; it was a big deal!!!

One day, before camp, my YCL friends and I got together to plan the devotionals we would be giving to the girls we were assigned to. We decided on certain topics, then gave out assignments as to who would talk about what. I was pumped!

...Until I was assigned to give a devotional on "Deep Beauty"...

Oh no! What was I going to do? How could I possibly give a spiritual thought and testify of recognizing our beauty, when I felt that this was my greatest weakness? Surely, this couldn't be done! Not by me! But, I didn't want to tell my friends that I couldn't do what they had asked me (I guess I was a little too prideful to admit that I had a hard time with that). So I came home, cried,  prayed long and hard, then searched lds.org for various sources on the topic.

I remember reading talk after talk, searching through scriptures, and listening to hymns and other church music. I found so much information that helped me better understand what beauty is, and what beauty means to the Lord. I read about how beauty is something much more than a perfectly proportionate body, clear skin, luscious curls, a pretty face, any things that I lacked; it is the nature of our spirits.

I was reminded that, as a spirit child of God, I had true divine nature, and I was sent here to become like Him. I wasn't sent here to this earth to just look good, I was sent here to do good. I wasn't sent here to compare myself to others, I was sent here to lift others. I wasn't sent here to worship gorgeous celebrities, fashion magazines, or beauty gurus; but to "worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness" (1 Chronicles 16:29). I realized that my life isn't about proving my beauty to the eyes of men, but finding my beauty in the Lord. It is about being beautiful to Him.

My heart was changed.

This devotional assignment was something I completely dreaded at first, but after searching for answers, I found it to be one of the greatest blessings of my life. My whole world seemed changed, and there was more hope in my soul. I had a new testimony of what it means to be beautiful, and I couldn't wait to give my devotional to those sweet girls at camp.

I even made this nifty handout with quotes from Elaine S. Dalton and Gordon B. Hinckley!

Don't mind its worn out look...

After that girls camp experience, I noticed a change in my nature. I wasn't as shy anymore; I wanted to talk to people. I thought I had always been nice to people, but now I understood the importance of being nice to them, because I was able to see people as Children of God who also had divine nature and worth. I could see their deep beauty. I knew what I could become, because I knew who I was, and I knew what beauty was. The more beauty I cultivated on the inside, the easier it was to feel beautiful on the outside

But I can't yet top this story off with, "...and she lived happily ever after", because, in the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "it's not over till it's over."

It's not easy being beautiful.

All around me, and everyone, there are definitions of what beauty is to the world. The world likes to define it as things that aren't very virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy. It's hard to find peace with ourselves when beauty is made up with lies. The world's lies. Satan's lies.

There are so many lies, it is really hard to keep track of the truth. It is hard to hear that voice that pulls us out of the holes of compromise, and enables us with courage. It is hard to believe that you are beautiful, when it seems that you don't quite measure up to the standards. For me, feeling beautiful takes a knowledge of who I  truly am, and a lot of trust in Heavenly Father.

These beautiful lyrics from a Jenny Phillips song are words that I go over in my mind when the lies of the world try to catch hold of me.

"I want to lead a life that
Is full of so much good
It attracts a light to me.
So I'm trusting in my Father
To magnify the beauty
He has placed in me.
I am confident in my divinity."

Even though I had a life changing experience, it's still hard for me. I imagine it's hard for many. But it is possible to rise above any feelings that keep us from feeling beautiful, and to truly feel confident in our divinity.

So, I've decided to make a series on my blog called "Simply Beautiful".

In these posts, I'll share in more detail about what I've learned about true beauty, and what I'm still learning.

So get ready to read about small and simple beauty tips for the soul that lead to greatness in and out, because, "Life is beautiful in its simplicity."

Like trees with little peach-like fruits on it!

-Nicole